British Female here: I would like to begin this post by saying that over the years I have met and worked with some of the kindest, most friendly and welcoming Nigerians, who have truly opened to eyes to African culture.
Growing up in the North of the U.K I was exposed to very little diversity, so upon moving to a much more diverse part of the U.K, where I was fortunate enough to meet some wonderful Nigerian’s, I learnt about a culture, traditions and a life much different to my own and I’ve been truly lucky to learn and meet folk from Nigeria.
I had an Igbo Nigerian partner, and he was the loveliest, most kindest man and he wasn‘t just my partner, but my best friend.
He met most of my family and they all loved him too – he even went out of his family to build up a relationship with my very shy autistic Uncle, and bought him a Christmas gift, and made plans for us to visit and spend time with him in the Spring.
We were truly very happy together. We had many plans for our future & had been discussing marriage, children and moving into together.
He, had previously been engaged while back home in Nigeria and had another failed relationship after moving to the U.K, so was also ready to settle down.
This was until we had the conversation about introducing me to his family and whether they would be able to accept me or not – something which had concerned me throughout our relationship, though he continued to reassure me they would be fine with us being together.
Anyway, long story short – he tried to have the “conversation“, with his elder uncles (his parents have both since passed) asking for permission to allow us to marry. However, they adamantly forbid my partner from being able to marry me, refused to accept me (which made my poor partner cry) and even going as far to say that if he & I married, my partner would be disowned by his family.
His uncle then said to my partner that he is expected to marry a lady, of his uncles choosing, from his Igbo tribe in Nigeria.
and then said that he was going to try and have my partner deported back to Nigeria and all sorts of other awful things, to which my partner said that he may never marry now.
And we were both left devastated by this. Though, my partner did later admit to me that he expected this reaction from his family all along. He tried asking advice from his cousins & siblings (who were all more than happy for my partner & I to marry), though sadly in the end we had to separate, through many tears – our hearts have been broken by this.
And so here I am, I guess partly just getting this off of my mind, and asking is there anything we can do to try and convince his uncles to accept me?
I would never expect my partner to walk away from his family nor his culture for me, so that is out of the question.
It all feels just a real shame. I do still admire & love Nigerian culture, just this more traditional part has seen my partner and I’s hearts broken.